Not two weeks after blogging about the loss of a friend, here I am again....lamenting the loss of someone else, someone gone too soon. This person's name is AJ, and he and his husband Ray....we all met up on vacation, through mutual friends, and have kept up with each other over the last 3 years. Ray and AJ were from NY and not what one would consider a traditional couple...there was a bit of an age difference...and I have never seen a couple so in love with each other. The love in their eyes shown through when their eyes met, regardless of where they happened to be in the world. I've seen numerous pictures of them, and I've taken several pictures of them when the love between them just seems to light up the room, infect those around them, and fill the sky with the most awesome scenes. I can't imagine what Ray's going through... Here are a couple of my shots of these boys from this past November....by far, my favorite pics from the whole week.
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| AJ and Ray |
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| AJ and Ray |
This Saturday marked the 2nd anniversary of the passing of a VERY dear friend of mine, Rev. Brooke Schneitman...and my heart still aches for her. She's in a picture on my mantle, her cell phone number still in my iPhone address book because I can't bear to delete it. She had and has to this day, a profound impact on my life, and I am a better person because of her.
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| Brooke |
This weekend, I participated in a workshop that was sponsored by my favorite sign language interpreting agency, Deaf Access Solutions called The Dance of Self Discovery. We had a very small, very diverse group and the workshop was absolutely wonderful...and uber therapeutic. This workshop was a "safe-space" and I can't discuss the things that others said there, but I can talk about a fear that I discussed; it is *my* fear, after all. I fear kidney dialysis because I have a congenital kidney disease. I watched my grandfather go through years of dialysis before receiving a transplanted kidney, and there has been hints that my father may begin dialysis at sometime in the future...I'm hoping the more distant future than the more near future. I also take a handful of pills on a daily basis, to help keep me healthy but, I go through most every day with constant, nagging pain (not terrible pain, but unrelenting, surely) and really rough fatigue. Because of all of this, I have this irrational fear of dialysis, as well as the irrational fear of passing away, not having left my mark upon the world, not having made some positive impact that made someone's life, just a little better. Let me say again....I know this is an irrational fear...but it's a fear none the less. I have had people tell me how I've made their life better, but sometimes, that irrational "monkey" still insists on hanging on my shoulders. I was asked by the Facilitator of the workshop some guiding questions and was able to articulate the fear that if I'm not remembered after I'm gone, was a I really ever here? I want to say this again....it's an irrational fear...but aren't most?
I'm going to take these losses....and turn them into celebrations. I'm going to celebrate Brooke's life, Paula's life, and AJ's life. I'm going to remember that I have impacted others lives for the better...just as they've impacted mine. I'm going to do some of the deep work that's needed to find a more profound sense of inner peace...and I'm going to thank my friends who're gone too soon for helping me to achieve this. My life is better because of these three people, and I am determined not to forget it.
I love y'all!
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