This morning, I noticed a message on Facebook from a friend whom I'd recently reconnected with over the holidays. The message was asking for prayers, as they had lost an extended member of the family in a car accident this morning. Now, being from a small town, I don't know everyone, but I do know quite a few people, even still, so when I saw Jay's message, my stomach stirred a little. Now, today, I'm working in a government agency where talking on the phone is tough, so when I saw one of my "brothers" calling from home, I knew that something had to be wrong. It's not like Jeremy to call in the middle of the day. He left a message, and it was then that I learned that a girl we'd grown up with, Paula Grant, now Paula Grant Woolard, had been killed in a car accident this morning, on icy roads between LaGrange and Kinston in NC.
Here's a little bit about Paula and I...I was a senior at North Lenoir High School and Paula was a freshman. She was also the little sister of a buddy of mine, Jon. We were both in our spring musical that year, the school year '93-'94 and we flirted and had a good time. We went to the prom together...I'll never forget that red dress she wore...and the baby's breath in her hair. Of course, I was as gay then as I am now, I just didn't know it. Paula and I never really dated, but we did have little 'bouts where we'd get back up with each other, hang out at Wings and Ale a time or two...she even went to Christmas Eve service with my family several times. I tried to be that guy for Paula, but just couldn't.
During college, we'd run into each other and things were always nice and pleasant. When I came out, she was very supportive and when I saw her at the bank, we'd always spend a little time catching up. I remember feeling a little twinge of jealousy when she dated Allen Pearson....he's been gone for about 2 years now.... lost in the line of duty as a Detective for the Lenoir County Sheriff's Office. I remember seeing her at Jeremy and Erica's wedding...when she was pregnant with her first baby...and introducing her to Justin, my now husband...and she said he was cute.....and how that meant a lot to me because she understood, why all those years ago, why things hadn't worked out between us. And that it was ok.
You know....I don't really know what else to say.....there is a husband who will have to cope with the loss of his wife, 3 children that will have only vague memories of their mommy, a mother and father who will have to deal with the ultimate heartbreak of losing a child, and a brother who will be lost without his sister. And then....there's everyone else. Our community. Our town. Our home. None of these things will ever be the same.
Paula, even though we didn't talk much anymore...just now and then over Facebook, I'll miss you. You were lots of firsts for me...the first girl that ever thought I was cute...my first prom date... I pray for healing for everyone...and for some positive to come out of this...even if it's just to slow down or avoid icy roads all together...or just to remember that life...truly is fleeting....and that we should all tell folks how we feel about them....before we don't have the chance to.
I love y'all...and even tho I'm not home in Kinston....my mind and my heart are there...as are my tears.
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